Ian Roberts: Finding Out by Paul FreemanMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
Six foot five and not an ounce of fat on him thanks to the fact he watched his diet as a teenager and exercised until he dropped.
I found Ian Roberts’ biography a fascinating read on a number of levels. It helped that I had watched a lot of rugby league (on TV) during Ian's playing days and was familiar with many of the people and circumstances mentioned eg George Piggins, the Manly ARL machine, Bob Fulton, Mario Fenech, and anyone who saw Terry Hill on the Footy Show would understand why this zany but accepting personality helped Ian during a critical period of his life.
For those who weren't alive during that era or don't live in Australia, the book will not resonate as much. It definitely helped having an appreciation of the way the whole ARL machine operated back then and the way players were expected to do so much out of loyalty.
It also helps seeing these players now and discovering how their health has been affected by the abuse their bodies took, pushing themselves to play when they shouldn't have out of this force-fed mantra about loyalty to the fans who were very quick to turn on the players when they left to go to a different club or, in Ian's case, were discovered to be gay.
 |  |  |
I hadn't known of Ian's childhood bouts of epilepsy. Was it because he started playing football at such an early age? But then again I know of cases where similar symptoms were caused by the use of forceps and other head traumas during delivery, so who knows why they occurred. Like many children who have these intermittent seizures, Ian grew out of them as a teenager.
You get the picture of the class clown. The kid who never did what he was told. Who liked testing himself and hated being confined. Yet paradoxically, the kid who didn’t want to hurt anyone, who was quick to jump to the defence of anybody he felt threatened, particularly if they couldn't stand up for themselves. Most of the on-field brawls can be linked to him sticking up for his smaller mates.
Ian has a great capacity to care for people. Particularly those not physically strong. He wasn’t just your typical pro-athlete visiting the kids’ hospital for PR machine photos. But growing close to terminally ill children took its toll on him at an age when he had many other stresses in his life.
Not that he shouldn’t have done it. Telling him not to go, wouldn’t have worked. It never did before. But it's a shame he didn’t have people around him who could help him deal with the heartache that inevitably occurred. Loving and losing helped him become the man he is today. But it wouldn’t have been easy.
It’s a shame professional counseling wasn’t and still isn’t more prevalent in Australia. At another point in the story, the author discusses the concept of masochism. Both physical and emotional. There is often a tendency to be like that when we don’t believe we deserve better.
I’ve come across this belief a lot in gay men who lived through that intensely homophobic era. Society reviled them, so many of them took this to heart. Not understanding that these hurtful comments reflected more about the person who said them, than the recipient of their abuse.
The author did a good job of showing the reality of what it was like to be gay in those days. He discusses the whole concept of a "gay community" which really only ever had substance when there was a shared enemy. The rest of the time, Ian sometimes faced as much vitriol from other gay people as he did from the homophobes in the wider community.
It must have been galling, knowing of other first grade players who were gay but offered him little or no support.
Funnily enough, the part I found most disturbing was the way he was sucked into investing his money and encouraged to convince his friends and family into investing in get rich quick schemes by unscrupulous con men. Where was the advice? The experience? How could a guy who was in his early twenties and the proud recipient of a contract worth hundreds of thousands of dollars be expected to know that there were sharks out there just looking for suckers like him. Sometimes, it's hard for people who are basicually honest to understand that other poeople aren't.
You get the picture of the class clown. The kid who never did what he was told. Who liked testing himself and hated being confined. Yet paradoxically, the kid who didn’t want to hurt anyone, who was quick to jump to the defence of anybody he felt threatened, particularly if they couldn't stand up for themselves. Most of the on-field brawls can be linked to him sticking up for his smaller mates.
Ian has a great capacity to care for people. Particularly those not physically strong. He wasn’t just your typical pro-athlete visiting the kids’ hospital for PR machine photos. But growing close to terminally ill children took its toll on him at an age when he had many other stresses in his life.
Not that he shouldn’t have done it. Telling him not to go, wouldn’t have worked. It never did before. But it's a shame he didn’t have people around him who could help him deal with the heartache that inevitably occurred. Loving and losing helped him become the man he is today. But it wouldn’t have been easy.
It’s a shame professional counseling wasn’t and still isn’t more prevalent in Australia. At another point in the story, the author discusses the concept of masochism. Both physical and emotional. There is often a tendency to be like that when we don’t believe we deserve better.
I’ve come across this belief a lot in gay men who lived through that intensely homophobic era. Society reviled them, so many of them took this to heart. Not understanding that these hurtful comments reflected more about the person who said them, than the recipient of their abuse.
The author did a good job of showing the reality of what it was like to be gay in those days. He discusses the whole concept of a "gay community" which really only ever had substance when there was a shared enemy. The rest of the time, Ian sometimes faced as much vitriol from other gay people as he did from the homophobes in the wider community.
It must have been galling, knowing of other first grade players who were gay but offered him little or no support.
Funnily enough, the part I found most disturbing was the way he was sucked into investing his money and encouraged to convince his friends and family into investing in get rich quick schemes by unscrupulous con men. Where was the advice? The experience? How could a guy who was in his early twenties and the proud recipient of a contract worth hundreds of thousands of dollars be expected to know that there were sharks out there just looking for suckers like him. Sometimes, it's hard for people who are basicually honest to understand that other poeople aren't.
 |  Headed for the ground. Note the shoulder and knee being used as lever points.  Receiving onfield treatment after concussion |
The most telling aspect that the author picked up on was Ian's desire to please and be seen to be successful and a Good Son. Given that he knew from an early age that he preferred men, he always felt he had to prove his worth in other ways.
Be tougher, be fitter, be more "masculine".
Because of his conviction that he wouldn't be loved for who he was, he dieted, exercised, played to extremes to overcome this feeling of "wrongness".
I well remember his "cutting the player in half" tackles, the groin strains, the on field biffo. A lot grew out of frustration and pushing himself to appear to be tough and to live up to what he felt was expected of him. The other was looking after those not as tough as he was.
His "coming out" is not the main part of the story. It was more showing why he felt he couldn't come out because for years before he was petrified that people would find out. All the time living as a gay man and frequenting dance clubs in Oxford Street. What business was his sexuality to the fans, the officials, even his parents who had told him in no uncertain terms how terrible poofs were? What could he say when his mentors advised against it? Or said how "disappointed" in him they would be if it were true. What sort of message is that to convey to anybody?
The book was published a couple of years before the end of Ian's playing career. His injuries would continue to dog him. He now claims that the amount of times he was severely concussed (and often returned to the field) has led to brain damage.
I feel for him. Too many top sportspeople are almost cripples by the time they finish their careers and many are not financially secure thanks to investments gone wrong, medical costs or other problems. But what training did they get to help them deal with the loss of attention, the money? Promises of jobs and being "looked after" that were never realistic. This lack of adequate transition from stressful careers either in sport, politics, showbusiness or even the armed forces concerns me. The public, the media and even the government uses these people then leaves them to flounder after.
There are lots of quotes from the media in the book. Often illustrating how the press used players and situations to sell papers or get ratings without any care or thought about what they said or did. Lionising an athlete so that he became a target of both opposition players and fans then turning around and publishing negative articles adds another stress to an already embattled individual. Particularly if they are always (consciously or not) seeking approval because of an underlying fear of lack of worth.
From what I can see, Ian seems to be more settled emotionally now and is trying to carve out a career in acting. His audition videos on Youtube suggest he has some ability in that direction.
Because let's face it, he was acting a part for years.
It is also interesting to note that in the nearly twenty years since, only a handful of female Australian elite athletes and a couple of males (Daniel Kowalski and Matthew Mitcham) have come out. No wonder guys like Ian Thorpe were so reluctant to admit they are gay. And, other than Ian, note the complete dearth of guys in the more homophobic sports in Australia admitting they are gay. It still takes a brave person to out themselves.
One passage which dealt with that aspect centred around an LGBT group who wanted to "out" public people. As the author states, it's all very well for individuals to do this when they are only exposed to family, friends and workmates. They have no idea what that is like for people who the public feel they own.
Admittedly, Ian received hundreds, possibly thousands of messages and letters of support from the wider community and gave the courage to other gay men to follow his example. But there were still the bastards who spilled out vitriol to him and his family.
His lasting legacy is that he forever quashed the notion that gay men are all the same. He resisted strongly when another LGBT group tried to get him to wear drag in a show. His point all along was that he was a man who preferred men. At one stage, he is quoted as saying it's a shame that being "masculine" or "feminine" is defined by such narrow terms.
I'm not sure how easy it is to find this book, but if you lived through that era or have an interest in league and why professional sportspeople and public figures are in the closet, then it's worth checking it out.
View all my reviews
Be tougher, be fitter, be more "masculine".
Because of his conviction that he wouldn't be loved for who he was, he dieted, exercised, played to extremes to overcome this feeling of "wrongness".
I well remember his "cutting the player in half" tackles, the groin strains, the on field biffo. A lot grew out of frustration and pushing himself to appear to be tough and to live up to what he felt was expected of him. The other was looking after those not as tough as he was.
His "coming out" is not the main part of the story. It was more showing why he felt he couldn't come out because for years before he was petrified that people would find out. All the time living as a gay man and frequenting dance clubs in Oxford Street. What business was his sexuality to the fans, the officials, even his parents who had told him in no uncertain terms how terrible poofs were? What could he say when his mentors advised against it? Or said how "disappointed" in him they would be if it were true. What sort of message is that to convey to anybody?
The book was published a couple of years before the end of Ian's playing career. His injuries would continue to dog him. He now claims that the amount of times he was severely concussed (and often returned to the field) has led to brain damage.
I feel for him. Too many top sportspeople are almost cripples by the time they finish their careers and many are not financially secure thanks to investments gone wrong, medical costs or other problems. But what training did they get to help them deal with the loss of attention, the money? Promises of jobs and being "looked after" that were never realistic. This lack of adequate transition from stressful careers either in sport, politics, showbusiness or even the armed forces concerns me. The public, the media and even the government uses these people then leaves them to flounder after.
There are lots of quotes from the media in the book. Often illustrating how the press used players and situations to sell papers or get ratings without any care or thought about what they said or did. Lionising an athlete so that he became a target of both opposition players and fans then turning around and publishing negative articles adds another stress to an already embattled individual. Particularly if they are always (consciously or not) seeking approval because of an underlying fear of lack of worth.
From what I can see, Ian seems to be more settled emotionally now and is trying to carve out a career in acting. His audition videos on Youtube suggest he has some ability in that direction.
Because let's face it, he was acting a part for years.
It is also interesting to note that in the nearly twenty years since, only a handful of female Australian elite athletes and a couple of males (Daniel Kowalski and Matthew Mitcham) have come out. No wonder guys like Ian Thorpe were so reluctant to admit they are gay. And, other than Ian, note the complete dearth of guys in the more homophobic sports in Australia admitting they are gay. It still takes a brave person to out themselves.
One passage which dealt with that aspect centred around an LGBT group who wanted to "out" public people. As the author states, it's all very well for individuals to do this when they are only exposed to family, friends and workmates. They have no idea what that is like for people who the public feel they own.
Admittedly, Ian received hundreds, possibly thousands of messages and letters of support from the wider community and gave the courage to other gay men to follow his example. But there were still the bastards who spilled out vitriol to him and his family.
His lasting legacy is that he forever quashed the notion that gay men are all the same. He resisted strongly when another LGBT group tried to get him to wear drag in a show. His point all along was that he was a man who preferred men. At one stage, he is quoted as saying it's a shame that being "masculine" or "feminine" is defined by such narrow terms.
I'm not sure how easy it is to find this book, but if you lived through that era or have an interest in league and why professional sportspeople and public figures are in the closet, then it's worth checking it out.
View all my reviews
RSS Feed
